Maybe not YOURS… I’ve probably never even met your actual kids. It’s not like I’m stalking you or anything.
But other people’s kids make me laugh. All the time. They say crazy stuff that is just funny.
Take this morning as an example.
Every Tuesday, I show up to volunteer at my kids’ school. I’m a flashcard mom for 1st graders. Over the course of the year, I’ve gotten to know these kids and I get a chance to see them at their best AND their worst.
Today, the kids had an unexpected substitute. It’s the middle of flu season. It wasn’t even a substitute that they knew.
As Grace (not her real name) was walked to into the classroom by her daddy, I heard this conversation.
Grace: Daddy, what’s that say on the board?
Mr. Grace’s Dad: There? It says Mrs Zebra (not her real name)
Grace: Ummm… am I in the right class? I have Mrs. BROWN as a teacher.
(i’m not sure if Grace was being sarcastic. she didn’t SOUND sarcastic. but wow, what a great line. if i were in high school i could see using that line of logic as a great excuse not to attend American history class. can you just imagine? walking in, seeing a substitute, getting all confused and leaving the room in search of your “right” classroom and “lost” teacher. how fun would that be?)
Mr. Grace’s Dad: It’s the right room. It looks like you have a substitute teacher today.
Grace: NO! Mrs. Brown didn’t tell us about it yesterday. It’s not allowed.
Mr. Grace’s Dad did his best to explain to his daughter, but she was not having it. She was totally convinced that she was in the wrong room and that HER teacher was hiding somewhere.
Once the class was settled, I started my routine of calling the kids out into the hallway one at a time to go over their math facts.
Some of the kids are struggling to get through their addition facts. Others are all the way through ALL the addition and subtraction cards.
Josh (not his real name) finished all the cards before Thanksgiving.
Me: (pointing to the subtraction cards) Pick some cards… any cards.
Josh: I’ll pick…. THESE (he grabbed the easiest subtraction cards).
Me: OK, so we’ll review THESE (I grab the harder ones)
Josh: Hey, that’s not fair. My brain doesn’t want to work that hard today.
(i’ll give the boy credit for honesty. there was not a shred of shame – just brutal honesty. i love it when kids say stuff like that, even when it’s totally inappropriate.)
Greyson (not his real name either) hasn’t quite finished his subtraction, but he makes up for it in attitude. When it was his turn, I could hear every one of his footsteps as he thumped across the room and out the door.
When he approached me, there is tween-worthy attitude exuding from every pore of his little body. He is standing there like some bad-boy biker dude from a fifties movie. In his little size six khakis and uniform shirt. It’s not working.
(must not laugh. can’t encourage this attitude. must not make day worse for substitute.)
Grayson is “that” boy. The class barometer. If he’s in a feisty mood, the whole class will follow him. If he’s cooperating with school, the whole class goes more smoothly.
Me: Grayson, what’s up with stomping out of the room?
Grayson: My shoes are too heavy today.
(oooohhh… smooth. dishonest, but smooth.)
Me: Grayson, the rest of your friends are reading quietly. Do you think they liked to hear you stomp?
Grayson: No. But… I LIKED IT.
(i feel sorry for Mrs. Zebra, she is in for a long day.)
Grayson: (my silence made him uncomfortable) Okay. I’ll quit stomping until P.E.
Me: That works for me. I’m sure Coach Chris will enjoy all your stomping. Maybe the whole class can stomp like a heard of elephants.
I confess – I had Grayson work on addition facts today. Even though he should be on subtraction. We did physical addition. I had him do two pushups. Then I had him do three more.
How many pushups was that in total Grayson?
We did jumping jacks too. And lunges. I told him the lunges would help strengthen his legs so that his shoes weren’t too heavy.
I hope Mrs. Grayson’s mom doesn’t mind.