Don’t Let The Turkey Get You Down (part 3)

This is the conclusion of the original turkey trilogy. It’s the story of how I was crowned turkey queen of the house and we ended up with a back porch that oozed rancid floral scented crisco from the concrete in the summer heat.

At the end of the first summer, we’d understood that the crisco soaked concrete would get hot during the day and that the crisco would rise to the surface.

don't let the turkey get you down

The surface was slick when it was warm (or wet) and slightly flammable, so we kept on sprinkling sand (or more cat litter) onto the concrete.

turkey

Our logic was that the litter would slowly absorb the crisco, so we kept scraping it off and adding fresh litter.

As an added bonus, it made the porch less slippery (and the floral scent covered up the rancid oil smell nicely.)

Unfortunately, it meant that we continually tracked rancid cat litter back into the house if we were careful.

And all the cats in the neighborhood were confused.

It was particularly confusing for them when I accidentally planted a large amount of catnip in the garden as a landscaping feature.

Imagine the confusion when they were lured into our backyard by the scent of catnip. They’d be stoned out of the kitty minds on catnip by the time they noticed the vague smell of cat litter. Poor little kitties, they thought they’d found the perfect kitty singles bar. All you can eat cat nip and a convenient bathroom space. And was that a vague smell of rotted turkey fat? Was there food too?

(the frequent midnight howling and caterwaul sounds were evidence of how many little kitties thought it was a perfect singles bar.)

Stoned and otherwise satisfied, they’d make their way to the bathroom (aka porch) only to discover that the cat litter did not work. No matter how they would scratch at it, it simply wouldn’t cover their business. And it got SLICK!

(more than one cat ran from our backyard after having slipped and fallen on something.)

By now I’m sure you want to know how we ever ended this drama.

We sold the house.

We uprooted all the catnip and put and end to the kitty single bar scene before we put the house on the market.

Then we very carefully placed an outdoor carpet over the concrete porch.

We left the rug when the house sold.

(if you think that was wrong, perhaps you can forgive me if you know that Watty was TWO DAYS old when the house went on the market. it sold when he was ten weeks old.)

That ends this year’s story of turkey mayhem.

No matter what goes wrong for you on Thanksgiving Day, please –

Don’t Let the Turkey Get You Down!

Will there be an further stories of turkey mayhem?

You can find more Thanksgiving and holiday drama on my Thanksgiving page.

Given that I’ve smoked a few turkeys since this originally posted, I can tell you that there is at LEAST one more story that needs to be told.  It’s equally epic and disastrous in a totally unique way.

Got anything good to share?  I’d love to know.

don't let the turkey get you down

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Susan Baker
I have a passion for encouraging weary worn out mothers to find joy in everyday motherhood and peace in unlikely places. I have two elementary school boys, one nerdy husband, and two cats. I have a strange fascination for bad puns, the color pink, socks, and books. I worry about running out of toilet paper, wine, and chocolate.. I serve an amazing God. I live an ordinary life filled with wonder.
Susan Baker
Susan Baker

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Comments

  1. Ha! Oh, I bet those new homeowners were wondering about the rug later. I would almost think the only way to have solved that problem without selling the house would have been to remove the porch.

    • Actually, I found out much later that we could have solved the problem by power washing the porch. I shared this story at ladies bible study only to discover that I wasn’t the only woman in the world to have this problem (minus the whole kitty single’s bar scene.)

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