A year ago, I wrote a rather fun piece titled the 10 commandments of car line.
I think it’s one of my favorite posts of all times. It was initially drafted on the back of an envelope while I was sitting in car line. Given that at the time I drove a black car and was sitting in 100+ degree heat for over an hour, it was great therapy.
I should confess that I discovered Candy Crush several days later and spent the rest of the school year happily advancing levels while waiting in car line.
I must not be alone.
On Monday, The Orlando Sentinel featured an article titled SCHOOL CAR LINES DRIVE MANY PARENTS CRAZY, IT SEEMS.
I was quoted in the article. Squeee. I haven’t read all the links… yet.
I figured it was time to revisit the car line.
(in the spirit of anonymity, the color and origin of the vehicle have been changed.)
Dear Mrs European White Sedan –
A year ago, I wrote about you rather indirectly on my blog in hopes that you would take a hint. You didn’t.
I know you read my post because you told me how funny it was and how you really liked the part about the “walk of shame” and how mortified you would ever be if your husband forgot to put gas in your car.
(no, i don’t think you should brag about never having pumped your own gas either. it’s not an accomplishment. you should be ashamed that you don’t know how.)
During the last school year I was amazed at just how many times you quietly re-wrote the rules so that they did not apply to you.
Remember the time car line had to be diverted because you parked your car in the no parking zone so you could run in and take a photo of your son? So do I. Sorry to hear the photo didn’t turn out as well as you had hoped.
(personally, i think your obsession with photo-journaling every single event of your child’s life borders on creepy. his first spelling test wasn’t, in my mind, a scrapbookable event. nor was his first trip to the office. i shudder to imagine how you scrapbooked his potty training years.)
Remember how you drove past the entire car line, parked, walked into the building, and got your son out of class fifteen minutes early because you didn’t want to sit in line? You should. You did it 37 times last year. Yes, I kept count. Your son missed more than an entire DAY of school because you couldn’t be bothered to sit in car line. He missed out on over NINE hours of school.
(i still can’t reconcile your eagerness to pick your child up with all the statements about how you wish the school day was longer because you don’t have enough time away from your child. have you tried the end of the car line? it would give you an extra 30 minutes for your nails to dry.)
Remember how you like to get out of your car and chat with people and the principal has to come tell you your child is waiting and that you are holding up the entire car line? The entire school remembers it too.
(did you even notice that your son was upset that day? it was all my kids could talk about when they got in the car.)
I’d just like to tell you
You still aren’t special.
The rules really do apply to you.
I hope you have to do the walk of shame.
The author of the piece in the Orlando Sentinel muses
…parents who commit car line sins (probably a tiny slice of the idling crowd) already ignore car line information issued by their child’s school. So I’m not sure they pay any attention to the frustration, and even bile, sent their way via the Internet.
She’s right. They don’t.
But it makes me feel better to write it anyway.
I’d love for you to share your story. Please tell me I’m not alone in my car line angst.