Musings on crunchiness

When it comes to crunchiness (you know, the whole essential oil, organic foods, alternative medicine thing) I’m never quite sure where I fit in.  Lately, the drama has been about my underarms.

Y’all.  I think I stink.  I’m not entirely sure, and my family members have requested that I refrain from walking up to them and asking “is it still working” as I raise my arm and waft the air past my arm pit.

Um… perhaps I should back up a bit and not start at the end of the story.

I’ve always struggled with armpit “freshness.”

am i crunchy lazy or frugal

It started when I was in Junior High.  Unlike my classmates, I couldn’t get away with the cute pink container of Love’s Baby-Soft deodorant (or any other bubble gum pink, pony sparkle encrusted deodorant it is that they were marketing to the teen girl crowd at the time.)

Nope.

I was already using my mom’s grown up deodorant (at her request) as the only known way to get to the end of the day without a whole lot of stank.

As far as my body is concerned, Secret is a gateway drug.

By the time I was a full grown adult, even full-strength woman-oderants weren’t cutting it.  I was onto the “good stuff” they marketed to men and athletes.

(Why is it that man-stink is supposed to need more powerful deodorant than woman-stink? Is it the hair? Does armpit hair have an inherent stink factor?  I’m curious, but not curious enough to quit shaving my arm pits for the name of science.)

While every woman I knew was buying deodorants that smelled like freesia or lavender or “powder fresh”, I was hoping to score something unscented.

(What is “powder fresh” supposed to smell like anyway? Does it smell different than stale powder? What kind of powder is it?)

Eventually, I was addicted.

I became totally dependent on the prescription strength stuff.  I was using it at least once a day.

Some part of me must have been obsessed, worried that I would run out of the “good stuff” or have to buy it at street-corner mark up prices.  When my mom was helping clean out my medicine cabinets, she found the stuff stashed in a dozen different places.

She told me I needed an intervention.

I confessed that the prescription strength wasn’t strong enough anymore… that I NEEDED something stronger.

I hit bottom.

I went cold turkey.

It was winter.  I reasoned that winter was the perfect time to ease back on my deodorant dependancy.  I bought a tube of natural deodorant and hoped for the best.

I stank.  Sometimes I stank because the tube of natural deodorant smelled like the dusty and unused lingerie drawer of a grandmother. Sometimes I stank because my own funk overpowered the grandma funk.

I bought a tube of girly deodorant that made me smell vaguely of flowers.  It was enough… sometimes.

Then summer hit and the whole ugly cycle started again. I was right back on the hard core stuff and I couldn’t stop it.

I asked for help.

A crunchy friend of mine gently listened to my stink-woes and she suggested I make my own deodorant out of essential oils.  It wouldn’t stop me sweating, but I should be able to find something that would keep the stink to a minimum.  Thus began my descent into crunchiness.

Last month, I finally started experimenting with DIY deodorant.  I’ve concocted several different blends that made my pits smell lemony fresh…. right up until they didn’t.

lemon fresh

(Lemon freshness is great for furniture polish. It’s a bit confusing as a personal fragrance. I love the smell of lemongrass, but I’ve realized it shouldn’t be the dominant fragrance in my personal hygiene.)

I may have been relying on an experimental batch of DIY deodorant at a home-school conference last month.  In July. In Texas.   Um… sorry about that.

The problem is that after awhile, I just can’t tell if I’m being paranoid or if I actually stink.

I asked my husband to sniff.

It was one of those conversations that only happens between people who have been married a LONG time – the kind that never shows up in movies or books because it just sounds ridiculous.

Me:  Hey, do I stink?

Him: What? More than normal?

Me: I’m serious. Do my pits stink?

Him: Are you trying to start a fight?

Me: Would you just tell me if you can smell my armpit funk from there?

Him:  Um…. sniff sniff… no.

Me: Would you do me a huge favor?

Him:  What?

Me: Would you sniff my armpit and see if the essential oil stuff is working?

Him: You want me to SNIFF your armpit.

Me: Yes.  I shaved it this morning.

See? It sound ridiculous.  It WAS ridiculous.  It was even worse when one of the boys walked in and spotted my husband with his nose in my armpit.

Son: What are you doing?

Me: um… what does it look like?

Son: (covering his eyes and turning to leave) Never mind! I don’t want to know!

Poor kid, I’m sure he’s confused about all kinds of things now.  At some point my husband has to finish explaining the birds and the bees to him.

The verdict?

Honestly, I think switching to a soap that contains tea-tree oil has done more good than anything else.  It may not be my favorite smell for soap, but it works.

I’m still trying on the natural deodorant stuff.  As long as I re-apply it every few hours it works well enough for most days.  If I go to the gym and work out for an hour and then don’t manage to take a shower, my pits stink to high heaven by the end of the day.

But to be honest, if I went to the gym and skipped a shower the REST of me stinks by the end of the day anyway.  Just because my pits were stink free didn’t mean the rest of me smelled good.

At times, I’ve contemplated just going back to the sparkly girl deodorant that smells of purple flowers and unicorns.  I don’t stink any LESS with that than the essential oil stuff and it seems easier to just buy it.

Then I remember all the scary things about aluminum and breast cancer.  I remember all the worries about chemicals that get absorbed into our bodies and how we don’t even know the impact of it all.

And once again, I wonder if I’m feeling crunchy, bored, cheap, or have just spent too much time on Pinterest.

Update: I gave up. After multiple attempts to find an alternative, I’m back to using aluminum based deodorant. I’m still open to suggestions.

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Susan Baker
I have a passion for encouraging weary worn out mothers to find joy in everyday motherhood and peace in unlikely places. I have two elementary school boys, one nerdy husband, and two cats. I have a strange fascination for bad puns, the color pink, socks, and books. I worry about running out of toilet paper, wine, and chocolate.. I serve an amazing God. I live an ordinary life filled with wonder.
Susan Baker
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