Life Without Internet #2 – My Kids Make Me Laugh

Life Without InternetLife without internet isn’t entirely accurate. It’s more of a dramatic license thing. Technically, I still had my smart phone.

But for my kids, it was the end of the world as they know it.

Yep, it’s the “My Kids Make Me Laugh” edition to the “Life Without Internet” series.

If you think losing internet was traumatic for me as a blogger, you can only imagine how my kids reacted.  

Friday afternoons in our home are traditionally reserved for unlimited access to garbage cartoons and all the iTouch games they can play. They dog pile on the couch and watch animated junk while checking the status of all their virtual villages.

I think the virtual chickens died. Again.

While the tree roots were enjoying unlimited bandwidth, my kids were having DT’s over not knowing what dragon hatched or what Smurfette’s next mission is.

At least they still had Angry Birds.

Them: Mommy, why can’t I check Hayday? I need to feed my chickens.

Me:  Daddy told you this morning that the internet was broken.

Them: But the chickens are going to d-i-i-i-i-i-e-e-e-e!

(great… I’m stressing about the death of any twitter love in my direction, and all they care about is some virtual chickens!)

(the irony of this was totally lost in the moment, but it’s funny now)

My kids quickly discovered that without internet service, Netflix doesn’t work. Neither does Amazon Prime Video.

Them: Mommy, why doesn’t the TV work?  I wanted to watch “crud”

Me: Watch your language.

Them:  Why, that’s what you call it.

Me: Was that the ice cream truck?

(i was not in a mood to have a logical discussion for why mommy can use colorful language but small boys can not.  there’s no logical defense.)

Not even Uverse.

Them: Mommy!  Why can’t we watch Scooby Doo?

Me:  The internet made it a Scooby Don’t.

(i should note that my children completely failed to see the humor in this witty remark.  i was insulted by this.)

Not even the pre-recorded Lego Ninjago show they wanted to watch again.

Them: Mommy.  Get off the computer.  You used up the internet on your “bog!”

Me: No, I did not.

Them: But your phone works?

Me: Yes.

Them: Can we check our chickens?

I surrendered my phone in the name of preventing virtual chicken abuse.  They wandered off to lay on my bed and decorate it with boy glitter.

Meanwhile, in another part of the house…

Mommy is staring dumbly at her laptop.

Does Evernote even WORK without an internet connection?
Crud, I can’t access my RSS feed. I have 154 blog posts to scan.
Oh. Pandora too.
And I can’t use the messaging feature to complain to my hubby about this.

It stunk.

I’m not cut out for life without internet.

I took my phone back.

I surrendered my lifeless laptop to the kids and let them watch the movies on iTunes.

I ended up draining my iPhone of it’s vital essence.

So if you notice a few grammar or spelling errors in my comments… I was NOT drinking wine.

I was on my iPhone.

We got our internet service back by mid-day Saturday.  But I’m still processing how the loss of internet impacted my family and my blog.

Have you ever had a “no internet day?”  How did it impact your family?  Can you imagine life without internet?

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Susan Baker
I have a passion for encouraging weary worn out mothers to find joy in everyday motherhood and peace in unlikely places. I have two elementary school boys, one nerdy husband, and two cats. I have a strange fascination for bad puns, the color pink, socks, and books. I worry about running out of toilet paper, wine, and chocolate.. I serve an amazing God. I live an ordinary life filled with wonder.
Susan Baker
Susan Baker

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Comments

  1. I can survive without internet as long as we have TV, but we have lost both a few times. It was shocking at first, but then fun to play board games, read books and go outside, but after a few hours I NEEDED my TV and INTERNET back.

    • If I’d planned for it, I think the kids would have been fine. But they were anticipating their most internet heavy day of the week. Not good. I’ve done without connections before, and it’s fine if you plan for it. There are other ways for kids to entertain themselves! Adults too. But I confess – on screen free days I still check email a few times. Just in case.

  2. I am always trying to get us to have a screen free week around here. It’s certainly not a popular suggestion. I do think it’s a bit different when it’s a planned break from it all as opposed to an unexpected one. Our internet (and by default Netflix) goes out from time to time and it is very frustrating and anxiety producing. I grew up without the internet (dating myself big time there!) and honestly have something with a love/hate relationship with all the technology. I love the connections to people that I would never have met otherwise but hate feeling the need to constantly check my e-mail.

    • The internet wasn’t part of my childhood either. We didn’t even have CABLE. We regularly have screen free days because I have four variations of screen bans as consequences of poor behavioral choices. Level 1: No video games. Level 2: Nothing animated. Level 3: Only 30 minutes “mommy tv” and Level 4: None.

      The kids aren’t thrilled, but they go find other stuff to do. I’ve even been known to feed a virtual chicken on request.

      I’m not sure I could do an entire week of total screen bans. That would mean the only thing I could use my smartphone for is for phone calls. It would also limit my reading options since technically, the kindle has a screen. (Yes, the kids have called me out on this.)

  3. It’s just scary how much we rely on the internet nowadays!! Still, I agree that I would be stressed out if I could not feed my virtual chickens!! 😀

    • I was stressed out about my words with friends match with my sister… But that’s not very different than some virtual chickens. How quickly we all forget what life before Internet was like.

  4. We’ve had unplanned internet free days (like after a storm) but never a planned one. My husbands does a lot of work from home, my kids also have digital chickens and I do a lot of stuff online too. I’m afraid we’d all fall apart with out it 🙂 How did we survive before the internet???

    • I’m so glad to meet another digital chicken farming family! My kids have no idea what a corded phone is for either. I lose track of how different the world is than when I grew up. (eek, that makes me sound like my grandma. sorry)

  5. I love the juxtaposition of the kids feeding the virtual chickens and you feeding all us tweets! haha. Glad it’s back.

    • I love the use of the word “juxtaposition” – complete with correct usage and spelling. 🙂

      Honestly, last Friday, I couldn’t see the parallel between the kids’ virtual chickens and my desire to be on twitter. Yikes. I’m thankful I can see the humor of it now.

  6. I guess you don’t realize how much you rely on the internet, until the time comes that you can’t access it at all. Kids can make things extra complicated as well, especially if they have a set time they usually do things and that is changed because of it. Hopefully the chickens didn’t die and all is well back in your house again.

  7. I feel a surge of panic when the internet is down, or my computer goes kerflooey, but it quickly subsides when I pick up a book. The worst thing you can do is keep looking at your computer anyway. That’s just banging your head against a wall.

    I do love how your children blamed you for breaking the internet.

  8. Thanks for this awesome post you have here.

  9. Very Entertaining article and worth reading! 🙂 Keep it and and send my regards to your lovely kids!

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