Pages from my Yelling Journal – Blessings

I’m taking another opportunity to share from my yelling journal.  This time, it’s about blessings and prayer and painful truths.

Sometimes, in the middle of me pointing one finger at my kids, I realize the rest of my fingers are pointing straight at me.  This was one of those.

Here’s what I wrote in my journal.

angry about blessings

Yelled again because…

As we’re driving down the road you start complaining about the broken headphone AGAIN.

I’ve told you – I can’t fix it while I’m driving.

I knew it would be fixed a minute after I parked.  You just needed to wait.  To show patience.  To have faith in me.

But you kept whining.

And I yelled.  I used bad words.

I wanted the whining to stop.

But here’s the big deal:

You’re whining about a blessing.

Most kids don’t have TV headrests.

You can’t even make a five minute journey without the TV on in the car.  I find that ridiculous.

You’re about to lose the blessing.

This has NOTHING in common with my prayer life.

I certainly don’t whine to God when my blessings get broken – certainly not when I broke it…

Never mind…

This hurt.  I felt so bad that I actually pulled over into a parking lot and fixed the silly headphones on the spot.

(For what it’s worth, when I say I “used bad words” I’m not talking about yelling HOT SNOT.  This was more of the unprintable variety.)

I totally lost it in the car because I saw my kids as being ungrateful whiny little brats who couldn’t even take responsibility for their own problem.  The silly headphones had been broken for several days.  Each time it was raised as an issue, the kids were informed that they needed to ask us to fix the things when we were NOT driving.  How hard is that?

I saw an annoying pattern in my kids that I wanted to stomp out.

What I realized was that I had been showing the EXACT same pattern in my own conversations with God.

My house needs a good cleaning and my knee is so messed up I just can’t do it.  I’ve raised the subject of a maid several times.  The timing hasn’t been right.  I needed patience.  But instead of being patient, I tried to fix it myself.  I made it worse.  Then I whined.  A lot.  I stopped seeing my home as a blessing and could only see it as a burden.

It’s the same thing, right?

It wasn’t like it was just about maid service either.  I’ll spare you the details.

count your blessings

I have a challenge for you.

Identify a blessing that you’ve turned into a burden.

Look at your list of little angries.  Crawl through your yelling journal.  Or just spend a few minutes thinking.

Ask yourself honestly.

Have I been whining and angry about something I should see as a blessing?

ask yourself are you angry about a blessing

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Susan Baker
I have a passion for encouraging weary worn out mothers to find joy in everyday motherhood and peace in unlikely places. I have two elementary school boys, one nerdy husband, and two cats. I have a strange fascination for bad puns, the color pink, socks, and books. I worry about running out of toilet paper, wine, and chocolate.. I serve an amazing God. I live an ordinary life filled with wonder.
Susan Baker
Susan Baker

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