#write31days without purpose

Now that I’ve shared my big fancy life goal with you, I’ll also share how I ran smack into it as I prepared to re-start my blog.

As I started looking at all the things I’ve posted on my blog and all the ideas I have for future topics, I found several central themes. The biggest two just don’t fit with each other.

Theme 1: I am not a qualified adult.  (Or as Tumblr has so eloquently put it, “I need an adultier adult… an adult who can successfully adult)  (You can see it here, but it has cussing in it. )

Theme 2: I really want to share my adult-ness with you. (I can find no eloquent words to express this. I wish I could.)

Early September, I was in the middle of my big brain storming session to come up with a great topic for #write31days when I got hit upside the head with the impossibleness of those two themes happening in the same place. I was so mad I threw my pen across the room. I yelled “sugar” really loud (and yes, it really was sugar… my kids were in the house) and had quite the temper tantrum.

writing without purpose

After I came out of time out, I took a deep breath and began to dig.  Right now, my bedroom wall is still covered in 20×23 inch post-it notes as I struggle to figure this thing out.  (On a TOTALLY unrelated note, my family had voted to give me a separate room for writing as long as I promise to keep my “writing stuff” behind closed doors. Huh.)

I tried to figure it all out in time to launch an amazing 31 day series on a single topic.  I drafted a list of 31 ideas on several different topics. As I prayed over each one of them, the answer was a clear NOT RIGHT NOW.

After doing a series on joy and another on peace, I had been so hopeful that I’d be called to write on another fruit (as long as it wasn’t self control… or patience). I thought “love” or “kindness” both held a lot of promise.

But… God said “not yet.”

I ran smack up against my own vision of P(EAC)E.  I couldn’t reconcile how half of what I’ve ever written fit under that umbrella.  The idea of never writing another silly or snarky thing just crushed me (and NOT doing so would totally blow the call for Authenticity sitting right there in the middle of p(eAc)e. 

But I had to face the facts.  When I look at my list of most popular posts, it’s a mess.

It looks like writing without purpose.

I’ve shared holiday misadventures and craft fails

I’ve shared inappropriate thoughts about my kids, my husband, my in laws, my grandmother, and even God.

I’ve celebrated small rebellions and mothering mischief.

I brag about playing with my kids instead of cleaning my house.

In the middle of that I write about Grace and being a submitted wife and goals and how amazing God is. I try to tell you how to be more joyful and less angry as a mom.

None of it goes together and yet I don’t want to give a single bitty part of it up. I love each and every one of those posts. If we were having coffee, I’d share those stories with you in person because they’re me…

How can that possibly make sense?

As the October 1st deadline approached, I still didn’t know. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t make sense of any of it and I had no clue what direction God wanted to take this thing.

I just knew that a tiny part of me was drying up inside each day that I didn’t write. I knew that I needed this. I needed the words dancing across the page as the tears blur them. I needed the creative outlet of writing and graphic design and marketing. I needed this whole crazy social media thing. I needed to be elbow deep in code and statistics and talk techy things until my nerdy husband’s eyes glaze over.

day 11 for the love of writing

So I did the only thing I could do.

With absolutely no sense of where it’s all going, I began to write again.  I broke rule 1.

It’s day 11 of 31 days for the love of writing.  I’m still searching for answers.

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Susan Baker
I have a passion for encouraging weary worn out mothers to find joy in everyday motherhood and peace in unlikely places. I have two elementary school boys, one nerdy husband, and two cats. I have a strange fascination for bad puns, the color pink, socks, and books. I worry about running out of toilet paper, wine, and chocolate.. I serve an amazing God. I live an ordinary life filled with wonder.
Susan Baker
Susan Baker

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