But I’m NOT an angry woman!

I don’t think of myself as an angry woman.

(If you want to, you can picture me screaming that at the top of my lungs with both hands on my hips.  At some point in my life, I’m certain I have done exactly that.  It might have been last month… in prayer… I sometimes do stuff like that.)

I never have.

(And you can picture me whispering that part in a hurt and defensive tone.)

Even when I’m yelling at the top of my lungs. Even when I feel like I should have my head spinning around in circles. Even when I’ve got the whole head bobbing finger wagging thing going on.  I am STILL not an angry woman.

but i'm not angry!

So when my husband suggested that I write about anger, I didn’t even know what to say.

I know what I thought…

I am NOT an angry woman!

I seem to recall taking a mommy time out over the conversation. I went to my room and “took a nap” (aka played Candy Crush when no one was looking).

(Looking back on it, I’m amazed I didn’t get up in his face about it right then and there.  But somehow, as soon as he said it I just KNEW this was what I’d end up writing about.  sigh.)

angry woman quote

Needless to say, it made me feel rather insecure. I worried that HE saw me as an angry (and therefore unattractive) woman.

I wondered if he was trying to tell me something.

I stewed on it for a few days before I had the courage to ask him.

During that time, I asked a few good friends. I asked my kids. I asked my mom. I even asked God.

(Don’t tell me you can’t relate… mkay? I know better. I see what all of us pin.)

Then I took a deep breath and asked my husband.

Why did you suggest that I blog about anger for a month?

Y’all, he didn’t even remember making the suggestion.

when i am angry i can pray well and preach well quoteDon’t you love it when that happens? I had stewed for days. I had blown the whole conversation WAY out of proportion. I had scripted imaginary arguments in my head

(I admit, I was playing both sides of the conversation and making sure he lost… because I’m way wittier in my head than in real life.  I’m sure you can relate.)

But then when I actually talked to him about it, things were totally different.

I had been angry at him.

For no good reason.  He didn’t have any of the horrible intentions and thoughts I was anticipating.  It was NOTHING like what I had blown it up to be in my head.

After a good chat, here’s where we ended up:

  • My timing stunk. My husband was working on the car. I was huffy because I wanted his attention to talk. I may have gotten what I deserved.
  • I do yell. More than I should. I probably had just finished yelling at the kids when we talked.
  • When I get frustrated and tired and hungry all at once then my anger management skills aren’t as good as they should be.
  • Honestly, God put it on his heart.

So what’s the lesson?

Nothing more than the obvious.

God was right.  Again.  Ephesians 4:26-27 says

And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.

I had walked around for a week with a chip on my shoulder over the conversation.

ephesians 4 26That was an entire week of me being short tempered, irritable, and unpleasant.  It was a week where I took no joy in cooking my husband’s meals or washing his clothes.  Even when I wasn’t yelling with loud words, I was yelling with my actions.

I allowed an entire week’s worth of sunsets to happen before I asked him the follow up question.

The realization stung.  More than I cared to admit.  The irony of the whole thing was totally lost on me until right about… now.

Just curious… how would you have reacted?  

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Susan Baker
I have a passion for encouraging weary worn out mothers to find joy in everyday motherhood and peace in unlikely places. I have two elementary school boys, one nerdy husband, and two cats. I have a strange fascination for bad puns, the color pink, socks, and books. I worry about running out of toilet paper, wine, and chocolate.. I serve an amazing God. I live an ordinary life filled with wonder.
Susan Baker
Susan Baker

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Comments

  1. Oh my goodness, I am so sorry but I laughed outloud reading this one. I have done that so many times myself where I was upset about something my husband said and then, heard the “What are you talking about?” reply. Sadly, I also know too well what you mean by yelling with your actions. I’d have done the same thing probably.
    Jean recently posted..Clearing Away the Chit-ChatMy Profile

    • I’m so glad you laughed! I don’t want to go an entire month without making anyone laugh. 🙂 I actually worked really hard on this post to make it be funny. The first draft was just me being an angry whiner. It wasn’t until later that I could see how funny the whole thing was.

      “Yelling with your actions” – working on that post too.

  2. I’m sure I would have reacted the same way you did, in fact I have many times. I’m trying to train myself to assume good intentions rather than bad intentions when my husband gives me a “suggestion”. It’s a work in progress!
    Mo recently posted..Riesling Paired With ShrimpMy Profile

    • It really is about the intentions isn’t it. It’s soooooo easy to assume the worst of intent from those I love the most. Just learning to take a step back and ASK the intent has been a huge step for me. It is, indeed, a work in process.
      Susan Baker recently posted..Is it ever ok to yell?My Profile

  3. I have no clue how I’d respond. My husband and I home about our yelling problems. Even though we are trying to stop doing it as much.

    This is such a great topic though. I’m loving these posts.
    Crystal recently posted..Sounds Taken For GrantedMy Profile

    • Since my husband and I try not to yell at each other in front of the kids, we do a certain amount of yelling via text. Most of our disagreements could be avoided if I would communicate directly and refrain from assuming stuff. But… I can’t. 🙂 Not always. Sometimes…
      Susan Baker recently posted..Is it ever ok to yell?My Profile

  4. candy burton says:

    Loving your posts!

  5. Great post, especially with the lesson. I have committed to not going to bed angry some time ago.

    • Good for you! I wish I could say the same. 🙂 I try not to go to bed angry, but sometimes it just happens. Particularly when I don’t even realize how angry I really am.

  6. Hmmm. I can see where your frustration comes from in being what you felt as ‘accused’ of being something you didn’t see yourself as. I’ve been there and it isn’t a pleasant feeling at all (putting it very lightly). I can’t say I would’ve waited that long. Nt because I’m better simply because I don’t have that much patience. I new answers immediately. So I probably would’ve waited a day at most. I’m glad you found out his true intentions and wrote the post anyway. It may be a help to others.
    Tiffany recently posted..Super Mom Tag ! ! {My 1st Vlog}My Profile

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