Five Minute Friday – TRUE

This week the word is TRUE.  Five minutes of my best unedited writing on a prompt I didn’t choose.  The words always tumble out to my fingers faster than my brain can think them.  That’s the magic of Five Minute Friday.

This week, Lisa-Jo asked us for our true stories.  The ones that pull the mask off and show us as real and vulnerable and imperfect.

This is mine.

Five Minute Friday

TRUE.

It took courage to be true this week.

My church is doing this thing where we meet in small groups during the week instead of on Sunday mornings like I’ve always done.  It’s not Women’s Bible Study (I can do that) and it’s not Sunday School (I can do that) and it’s not MOPS (I wish I could still do that).  It’s new and different and for the most part meets in people’s homes.

And my husband joined in one of these new-fangled group things last spring and he loves it and it’s been soooooo good for him and I want so much to join in one too.  Because I want what he has found.

But with one thing and another, it just hadn’t happened.  And then the only group that fit with my schedule actually meets at the church but I don’t know where… and I only know one person in the whole group.

So there I stand.  Waiting for this one person, because I don’t know where to go.

And she’s late.  And she didn’t respond to my Facebook message.  And I don’t have any other way to contact her.  And no one has seen her that day.  And all the preschool ladies are looking at me like I’m some kind of weird stalker, even though I used to take my sons there everyday and they all still know me.

And in my head, the voices start.

They probably moved the group and didn’t tell you.

They changed the time so you couldn’t find it.

They are hiding from you.

And I walk out of the building with tears streaming down my face where no one can see me.  I run away from my fears and the voices and the insecurities that seem to haunt me.

I even wore makeup for this.  I never wear makeup.

five minute friday true

But out of the corner of my eye, I see my friend walk in as I’m leaving.  And she calls to me, her face all smiles and proud of me for being there.  She has no clue that walking back in takes every ounce of courage and strength that I possess.  She has no way of knowing that all I want to do is run away and hide.

But I can’t.

I promised I would be there.

I want to be there.

I know if I can just walk through the door and say hello all the fears and doubts and insecurities will melt away.  They evaporate in the face of real.

Five minutes in, my husband texts me to make certain that I’m ok.  He knows.  He is making sure I kept my promise.

And I sit there, utterly undone.  When it is my turn to talk I have no words.  In the end, I just sit there with tears sliding down my cheeks in silent testimony to my fears.

True.

STOP.

Five Minute Friday  is hosted by Lisa-Jo Baker at The Gypsy Mama. Five minutes of free writing flash mob goodness.

If you aren’t familiar, the rules are simple.  Lisa-Jo gives a single word writing prompt every Friday.  Each of us have five minutes to write and post.  No editing, no second guessing, no fancy stuff.  Just plain writing – straight from the heart. (click HERE for the official rules and details).  Then we go visit other participants and shower them with comment love

During the month of October I’ll be writing for 31 days straight on a single topic.  I may or may not participate in Five Minute Friday for the next month.  I still love it and I promise I’ll be back.

Five Minute Friday

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Susan Baker
I have a passion for encouraging weary worn out mothers to find joy in everyday motherhood and peace in unlikely places. I have two elementary school boys, one nerdy husband, and two cats. I have a strange fascination for bad puns, the color pink, socks, and books. I worry about running out of toilet paper, wine, and chocolate.. I serve an amazing God. I live an ordinary life filled with wonder.
Susan Baker
Susan Baker

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