Crimes of Motherhood – I am the meanest mom ever

I am the meanest mom ever – at least according to my kids.

Personally, I figure that means I’m doing something right.

They have a different view.  They said that I’ve committed crimes.  I’m accused of…

(dum dum dum….)

Crimes of Motherhood

wanted poster crimes of motherhood

Crime #1:  I refuse to buy them toys on demand.

My defense:  It was two days before your birthday!  I’m not exactly going to buy you the toy you demand when I know perfectly well you’ll get it for your birthday.

(as i write this, i wonder what would happen if i boxed up some of their toys every time they pitch this fit at the store.  hmmmm…..)

Crime #2:  I shop all the time and only spend money on what I want.

My defense:  I went to the grocery store and bought sandwich bread, chips, apple sauce, peanut butter, jelly, and cartoon character yogurt.  All of those items are used to pack your lunches.  I don’t eat them.   I may have also purchased toilet paper, cat food, and bananas.  It’s a glamorous life.

(note:  our kids are in classes where peanut allergies are not an issue.  if appropriate, i’d switch to some-other-nut-butter in a flash.  i promise.)

Crime #3:  I make my kids do all the work.

My defense:  Expecting you to make your own sandwich is not slave labor. A little self sufficiency is not going to hurt you.  Besides, I didn’t fuss at you when you licked the knife and put it back in the jelly jar.

Crime #4:  I only cook boring breakfasts.

My defense:  Mr Picky, don’t even start.  You can’t eat potato chips and gummy snacks for breakfast and I’m not taking you to a drive through.  You could have more choices for breakfast if you weren’t so picky.  Until then, you can pick between eggs, cereal, and yet another PB&J.  PS – I’ve had the same green smoothie for breakfast for the past four months.  Boring breakfasts won’t kill you.

Crime #5: I make them do their homework.

My defense:  That’s my job.  Make peace with the homework thing and suck it up.

Crime #6: I make them change their underwear.

My defense:  Wearing the same pair for more than a day is nasty.  And while you’re at it, change your socks.  Those things are crusty.  And is that the same shirt you had on yesterday?  Will you quit picking up clothes out of the dirty clothes pile and putting them on your body!

Crime #7:  Bedtime.

My defense:  I don’t care what time your friend claims to stay up until.  I know you probably have the earliest bedtime in your class.  But when you don’t get enough sleep, you end up with me yelling at you before breakfast.   When you’re well rested it shows.  Mkay?

Crime #8: I took away YouTube

My defense:  That’s my job.  Make peace with it, I’m not backing down.  You watched unapproved content and learned some new vocabulary words that subsequently got you in hot water.   Mr Sparkles is not coming back, ever.

Crime #9: I’m just mean.

My defense:  Yep.  I’m not your friend.  I’m your mom.  I love you too much to be any other way.  PS – I wouldn’t have to be so mean if you did what I asked the first time.

Am I criminal?

If those are crimes, then I’ll plead guilty.

crimes of motherhood guilty

Care to confess? What crime of motherhood have your kids accused you of?

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Susan Baker
I have a passion for encouraging weary worn out mothers to find joy in everyday motherhood and peace in unlikely places. I have two elementary school boys, one nerdy husband, and two cats. I have a strange fascination for bad puns, the color pink, socks, and books. I worry about running out of toilet paper, wine, and chocolate.. I serve an amazing God. I live an ordinary life filled with wonder.
Susan Baker
Susan Baker

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  1. You always have the best graphics! PicMonkey?
    I think all of your requests are reasonable ones and I think you sum it up perfectly when you say, “I’m your mom. I love you too much to be any other way.” When they have their own kids they will understand! 😉
    Mo recently posted..The Sunshine AwardMy Profile

    • Graphics are tricky. I make some in Picmonkey, but not most of them. I did use picmonkey to generate my new (matching) Facebook header. The wanted poster in today’s post was generated from I found it by googling “wanted poster generator.” Most of the time I actually use scrapbooking software. I have photoshop, but I rarely use it.

      I recently took the time to pick a set of fonts to use everywhere, regardless of the tool. That makes for a consistent look regardless of which tool I’m using. Today I swapped colors on my blog to match the limited pallet of colors I’ll be using for the month of October. It’s an entire 31 day series on a single topic, and I want all the artwork to flow. After that, I’m hoping to swap the colors.

      I’m comfortable with my kids not being happy with me all the time. I’m not trying to be their BFF. If I do my job right now, I have all of their adult lives to be friends with them. 🙂
      Susan Baker recently posted..Crimes of Motherhood – I am the meanest mom everMy Profile

  2. Guilty over here as well! Sometimes I feel like a maid service! I’m not sure why it’s so difficult to put a wrapper in the trash or put socks in the laundry?
    Michelle recently posted..Use Your Influence to Make Money Blogging — with SverveMy Profile

  3. Oh my goodness am I guilty as charged!! I won’t let mine run and talk at the top of their lungs all throughout a store like their grandparents do. I don’t let them climb up on untrustworthy wooden boxes and pallets that are not stacked in a safe manner like their grandparents do. I don’t let them play video games or on a Kindle until 5am in the morning like their grandparents do. I absolutely refuse to bribe them to behave in public..I expect them to do it without getting a single thing from me. I also demand respect when spoken to.

    Those are just a few of the many long list of crimes I commit according to my kids. However, as my oldest son gets older the more he appreciates all the rules I installed in them. He sees the difference in his siblings behaviors. Now he’s starting to help ensure his siblings are following the rules his parents have in place. He even goes so far as to explain why those rules were put in place to start with. It’s rather funny hearing that from my nine year old (soon to be 10.)

    So I guess it’s safe to say if we continue to do our jobs as mothers in the long run it will pay off. Let’s be guilty as charged together. 😉
    Crystal Green recently posted..Kids Can Stay in Touch SafelyMy Profile

    • It’s amazing how many criminal mothers are out there. Sigh.

      Keep up the good work. You ARE a good mom, even when your kids don’t agree. Sounds like your oldest is growing in wisdom and that’s something to celebrate.

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