Diary of an insomniac

Normally, I’m at peace with the idea that I’m a permanent insomniac.

Normally, I don’t complain.  But last night was just more than I could stand.

Diary of an insomniac

his phone is not on mute10:05 – I silence my phone, place it face down on the night stand and attempt to sleep.  Hubby is still watching television, so I roll away from the screen and drift off to dreamland.

10:15 – huh… what?  Oh… the television just featured a ringtone that sounds EXACTLY like my alarm clock.  I ask hubby to turn the tv down.

10:30 – I’ve been staring at the wall, trying to go back to sleep.  Hubby finally turns off the tv and begins to check email one last time before going to sleep.

10:35 – HUH…what?  I must have drifted off to sleep.  Hubby is not just sending emails, he’s receiving texts and HIS PHONE IS NOT ON MUTE.

i need to pee

10:45 – Hubby rolls over to go to sleep.  He pulls the blankets off of me in the process and startles me out of my semi sleeping state.  I rearrange blankets and begin trying to go to sleep again.

10:50 – Oh my stars… he’s snoring already.  He’s facing my direction and snoring in my ears.  It’s loud enough to make the windows rattle.

11:15 – Sleep.

12:00 – Oh snot, I need to pee.

the flashing red light

12:15 – Oh wow.  That new cable box we got has a bright red blinking light.  My bedroom now resembles a cheap motel room with the flashing neon sign right outside.  Nice.

1:00 – I’ve prayed for all the people I can think of.  So I check Facebook to see who I missed.

1:15 – and Pinterest

1:30 – and Twitter

social media1:45 – Sleep.

2:02 – Huh… what… My phone is buzzing.  I’m getting an email every 30 seconds.  Every single one of them is a comment notification for my blog.  The spammers are hard at work again.

2:15 – I move my phone to the closet. It’s in my underwear drawer.  This has the dual effect of completely silencing the dang phone and ensuring that I’ll be able to find it again in the morning.

2:20 – The flashing neon red is not helping.  I seriously contemplate unplugging the thing from the wall.

spam2:30 – I’ve got this great idea for a blog post.  I fight the urge to get out of bed and write.

2:45 – He’s snoring in my ear again.

3:00 – The cats are fighting.

3:15 – ah… sleeep…

3:30 – HOT FLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the cats are fighting4:00 – I’m now sitting in the chair while the sheets cool down.  The cool leather feels good for about 5 minutes before the sweat begins to pool.

4:05 – Back in the bed.

4:15 – Do I get up and start the day early or try to fall back asleep?

4:16 – zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….

hot flash6:00 – The alarm goes off.  I am not happy.

The sad thing is that it wasn’t just last night.  It could have been any night last week.  Or last month.  About twice a week, I manage to actually sleep though the night.  There’s maybe two days a month it’s bad enough that I crawl back in bed and sleep during the day.

I blame my kids.

It all started in December of 2003 when I began having pregnancy related sleep issues.   Neither of my kids slept through the night until they were about 16 months old.  The kids are 16 months apart.  I didn’t get a full night’s sleep again until January 2007.

Re-read that if you need to.  I went over three years without sleeping through the night.

By then, it was too late.

By then, I was peri-menapausal.  I have hot flashes more nights than not.

By then, I had developed thyroid issues.  Thyroid meds and sleeping meds don’t mix.  I can’t take melatonin.  Chamomile tea doesn’t work.  I’ve tried avoiding alcohol, removing the tv from the room, and all the other helpful suggestions you can think of.  Benedryl works, but it makes me snore.

So I just live with the insomnia.

an insomniac diary - one mom's struggle for sleep.

Insomnia and coffee.

Somedays, I feel like I transition straight from the coffee mug to the wine glass.

Please tell me I’m not alone! Please tell me that you suffer with me, at least from time to time.

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Susan Baker
I have a passion for encouraging weary worn out mothers to find joy in everyday motherhood and peace in unlikely places. I have two elementary school boys, one nerdy husband, and two cats. I have a strange fascination for bad puns, the color pink, socks, and books. I worry about running out of toilet paper, wine, and chocolate.. I serve an amazing God. I live an ordinary life filled with wonder.
Susan Baker
Susan Baker

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  1. No you definitely don’t suffer alone. I’m up and down all throughout the night. My husband has learned that I HAVE to take a two hour nap or sleep until at least 9 am in the morning in order to function properly. Plus I have my husband trained that if I tap his shoulder two times, he has to roll over because his snoring is keeping me up. We also have our own blankets that we use on the bed because trying to share a blanket just does NOT work for us because we are both blanket hogs. We are very close to each other on the bed and we may lay all over each other, but we have our own blankets just the same.
    Although, we may have a TV in our bedroom too, the rule is we agree on it going off when we both go to bed. I’ve learned to not even bother trying to go to sleep if he’s still watching it.
    If he REALLY wants to stay up for a while then he has to rub my head and/or back to put me to sleep. When he does rub my head for some reason it puts me into a deep sleepy comma and I have the best sleep a person can ask for (but you’re talking about 30 minutes of him constantly rubbing my head and I have a HUGE UGLY rats nest on my head when I wake up. It’s SO WORTH IT THOUGH!)
    Thanks for sharing your nightly ritual with us because it helps to know you’re not alone with an issue.
    Crystal Green recently posted..Relaxing Sunday Blog HopMy Profile

    • It comes and goes. My hubby has been working late for the past month. 8am to 11pm kind of schedule. So I’ll tolerate a little tv- at least he’s home.

      I have to get up at 6:30 to get the family dressed and out the door. Sometimes I do nap after that. I wish I could sleep until 9!

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  2. I am laughing at the description of your non-sleeping adventures because I am coming off a similar night and am therefore a bit slap-happy. I can’t seem to keep my mind from running and my husband from snoring. I’d even take one or the other!
    Mo recently posted..Gals That make Me LaughMy Profile

  3. You are definitely NOT alone. I deal with insomnia regularly and now I’m deep in menopause related issues that are actually making it worse. I also have restless leg syndrome. I take melatonin every night. I tried benadryl and it worked great the first night but not since. I pray for everybody I know, recite Bible verses I have memorized, count backwards, relax myself and imagine myself in my happy place. Nope. None of it works. I usually do go to sleep eventually – anywhere between 1 and 3. I never get up because I’ve found that if I get up, I’m more tired the next day than if I get up. I think I must doze a little bit. So I definitely feel your pain.
    Patty recently posted..Favorite Banana Chip MuffinsMy Profile

  4. I don't have kids or a husband to keep me awake but I've been suffering with insomnia for a year and a half. If I can't sleep I would wish that I could at least use my time awake productively but I'm just so exhausted that I can't focus so my waking time is wasted by being unfocused and my night time is spent just as unfocused and trying to sleep, to no avail. I empathize.

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