A no excuses kind of post

When I started blogging, I made a promise to myself that I would never write one of those “I would have posted except…” posts.  I promised myself there would be no excuses.

And even though I’ve missed posting twice this week, there will be… no excuses.

Now that I’ve been home from vacation a week, you would think things would be back to normal.  I had certainly planned for them to be.   By now I had every intention of being caught up on the laundry, throwing a 31 party, cleaning my bathrooms, and generally being caught up with the universe.

It hasn’t exactly been that kind of week.

Even without the double whammy of VBS and writing camp, it wouldn’t have been that kind of week.

It’s been the OTHER kind of week.

It’s been the kind of week where my to-do list quickly gets shortened to the vital few (clothes, food, naps).

It’s been the kind of week where I couldn’t string together a coherent sentence longer than four words long.

(writing blog posts when you can’t remember your own name is impossible.  i tried.)

I think I might have fallen asleep at a stop sign.  I KNOW I fell asleep in a parking lot.

I’ve spent the entire week in tears, confused, distracted, nauseous, and exhausted.

uh – oh…

I think my body hates me.  I’m at the time of life where Aunt Flo’s visits are a little less predictable than they used to be.  White pants no longer seem like a good wardrobe staple.   In the summer, the heat does a number on Aunt Flo’s already unpredictable travel schedule.  I think she makes a stop off in Hawaii or something.

But hey, when she does finally show up she manages to throw quite the party.  She overstays her welcome and generally trashes the place.  That lady is one bad aunt.

… ten weeks since her last visit.  Hmmm…

Reality check time. I’m 47 years old.  I had my second child when I was 39 and I had my tubes tied in celebration of the event.

This morning I’d had enough.  I’ve spent the past four days wondering about Aunt Flo’s delay, feeling like garbage, and speculating as to the cause.

I bought a pregnancy test.

One of the nice things about being married and over 30 is that I can buy a pregnancy test without even the hint of embarrassment on my part.  Once, the man behind me wished me “good luck” with my purchase.

(Since that was the test that told me that my oldest son was arriving in about nine months, I’d say I had good luck.)

good luck on a pregnancy test

Then I stopped for fuel a few miles down the road at a very nice gas station.

(It was the Buccee’s on 290 on the north side of Houston.  It’s like a very nice truck stop, only it’s not for trucks.  It’s for travelers.  But in my mind, I still think of it as a truck stop for cars.)

I sat in the gas station bathroom and peed on a pregnancy test.

I wondered what my pastor’s wife would say if she bumped into me with the stick in my hand.  I worried that my grandmother was watching in dismay from heaven.  What kind of woman takes a pregnancy test in a truck stop?  Even if isn’t technically a truck stop.

And I held my breath as I waited for the little line to show up.

It’s amazing the crazy thoughts that can run through my head in the time it takes for that little line to show up.  I had about 30 whole seconds of “what if” – enough time to convince myself that a daughter would be an amazing addition to our family.  It was enough time to mentally rearrange our furniture to make room for a nursery.

And then… it was over.

It was only one line.  Mixed in with the waves of relief (and puzzlement) were a few strands of regret.

I used the second test just to make sure.

Because you never know.

Aunt Flo has a wicked sense of humor.

By the time I got home, I was reminded why I no longer own any white pants.

And just like that my life returns to what passes for normal.  I’m not sleepy.  I can think in actual paragraphs.  Except for the summer heat, I feel pretty darn good.

Pass the chocolate ice cream.  I think I’ve earned it.

white pants and pregnancy tests

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Susan Baker
I have a passion for encouraging weary worn out mothers to find joy in everyday motherhood and peace in unlikely places. I have two elementary school boys, one nerdy husband, and two cats. I have a strange fascination for bad puns, the color pink, socks, and books. I worry about running out of toilet paper, wine, and chocolate.. I serve an amazing God. I live an ordinary life filled with wonder.
Susan Baker
Susan Baker

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Comments

  1. Oh, boy! You have my sympathy. I’m turning 52 this month and I’ve been dealing with menopause symptoms for at least the last 2 years. Except Aunt Flo continues to visit with alarming regularity. That doesn’t seem quite fair. I’m dealing with mood swings, night sweats, brain fatigue, body fatigue, insomnia – just about all the typical symptoms except the Aunt Flo one. Menopause is kicking my butt!
    Patty recently posted..No Bake Milky Way CheesecakeMy Profile

  2. I’m at that age, too, Susan at 45. I almost put on white pants the other day, but at this point I have about 5 days each month that seems like a good idea. Otherwise…no way!! Aging is not for sissies. –Lisa
    TheDoseofReality recently posted..Hunger Is Something We Take PersonallyMy Profile

  3. Awww, sorry to hear about your (lack of) excuses. I’ve been there myself a few times.
    Sarah recently posted..8 Reasons to Live Beneath Your MeansMy Profile

  4. Woow !! that seems veryy Goood !! just keep moving on

  5. You got my sympathy. Someday, maybe I’ll experience what you experienced. Nice share and told me everything.

  6. Ugh! I totally understand where you are coming from. Aunt Flow has been totally erratic and unpredictable for me lately too….and I’m only 30. I think she is supposed to make a visit next week but she might decide to take a vacation, like she did last month, and come a week late or she might come tomorrow. I have a pair of white pants in my dresser but I’m too scared to wear them.

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