Don’t Let the Turkey Get You Down

In our house, I’m in charge of the turkey.

Well, actually, the turkeys.  I manage two of them on a daily basis.

But for the purposes of THIS story, let’s agree that we’re talking turkey.

USDA Certified Poultry.

Thanksgiving Feast worthy turkey.

don't let the turkey get you down

The year after I learned about thawing turkeys in the bathtub, my husband and I were actually at odds about our household turkey ownership.


It was early in our marriage, and we hadn’t yet established the “rules” and traditions for the holidays.

The first year I served turkey, my mom had delivered a smoked turkey to keep me from having to make one.

The next year (after I thawed it in the bathtub) I roasted it in the traditional manner. And my mom gave me a smoker of my very own to make my very own smoked turkeys.  She also gave me two frozen turkeys to help fill up the brand new freezer my husband bought me.

So in year three of our marriage, I was excited about smoking turkey.   The grocery store was giving away free turkeys, so we had FOUR of the things filling up my deep freeze.

The contest begins

Imagine my excitement when I got a chance to sign up to bring a smoked turkey to the office holiday party.

Imagine my confusion when my husband signed up to bring a deep fried turkey to the SAME PARTY. (Yep, we worked at the same place.  Shocking.)

Me:  Sweetheart, didn’t you see that I’d already signed up to bring a SMOKED turkey to the party?  I was planning to use the smoker my mom gave me.

Hubby:  I have 50 gallons of crisco and I want to deep fry a turkey.  I’ve never done it and this seems like the time.

Me:  Oh.

Since we didn’t exactly have a shortage of turkey and I had no better idea for using up 50 pounds of crisco, I couldn’t argue.

But because I’m competitive, I suggested a little side bet on which turkey would be more popular.

The results.

We delivered two beautiful birds to the party.  There was a third turkey that had been made in a more traditional method (cooked in a giant roasting bag until the pop up timer went off.)

Let me just say it now…

I won!

My smoked turkey rocked.  Everyone who tasted it said it was delicious and juicy.  I didn’t even get to taste it.  By the time I got to it, someone had stolen the carcass for making turkey soup.

My husband’s turkey… not so much.  It was good if you like spicy turkey, but it wasn’t exactly the hit of the party. Even my hubby agreed that my turkey was better than his.

The after party.

When we got home, I realized that we now had 50 gallons of congealed used crisco sitting on the back porch in the giant outdoor cooking pot.


We turned the giant propane burner back on to liquify the rock solid fat and wandered back into the house to settle our bet.

An hour later…

Me:  So… what’s your plan for 50 gallons of hot liquid crisco?

Him: I don’t know, I thought I’d pour it back into the cardboard box it came in.

Me:  Won’t it leak out?

Him:  Nah, the box is lined with plastic, see?

So with that, he grabbed his leather welding gloves and started to pour the molten liquid into the cardboard box on our back porch.

(what?  don’t you own welding gloves to use when cooking?)

Just as the last of the fat was being poured into the box…

Me:  Look out! The box has sprung a leak!

Him:  Run!  That stuff is hot.

I ran into the house to put some shoes on.

Me:  Now what?

Him:  Grab some kitty litter to absorb all this stuff.

So I grabbed the SCENTED kitty litter and started spreading it all over the concrete.  There was giant four foot puddle of kitty litter covered crisco.

You can read what happened next in part TWO of the turkey story.

don't let the turkey get you down

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Susan Baker
I have a passion for encouraging weary worn out mothers to find joy in everyday motherhood and peace in unlikely places. I have two elementary school boys, one nerdy husband, and two cats. I have a strange fascination for bad puns, the color pink, socks, and books. I worry about running out of toilet paper, wine, and chocolate.. I serve an amazing God. I live an ordinary life filled with wonder.
Susan Baker
Susan Baker

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  1. …..”and wandered back into the house to settle our bet.” Ahahhahahhahah!!!!
    Roshni recently posted..A tradition (warning: photo-heavy post!)My Profile

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