Mr Google, What were you searching for?

google searchingMr Google has been searching for answers to some pretty weird stuff lately. I get a steady stream of traffic to my blog from Mr Google, and I think his kids have been using his computer without permission too.

In an effort to be helpful, I thought I’d just sit down and answer some of his questions all at once.

Mr Google is really busy, so I think he’ll appreciate my help, don’t you?

Here is what the Googles were searching for:

Q:  I need to know everything about eggs.

A:  They come from chickens, not bunnies.  Don’t eat the shells.  For more information, you can check my great collection of egg posts, including some wisdom from my mother-in-law.

Q: Were you happy with your whole house remodel?

A: Not when none of the bathrooms were working and everything I owned was either in storage or covered with a quarter-inch of sheet rock dust.  Now that it’s (almost) over with, yes.  I love it. It was worth it.  I’m sure Mrs. Google will love the new home.

Q: I got caught sniffing my mom / I caught my son sniffing me

A: There is nothing wrong with enjoying the smell of a freshly washed child as long as you don’t get caught.  If your child is sniffing you, you should probably bake some cookies to distract him.  Sniffing articles of clothing is just… wrong.

Q: Does roasting tomatoes make them hotter?

A: Roasting is a form of cooking that requires heat.  When heat is applied to the tomatoes, they will increase in temperature.  If you pull them out of the oven and allow them to cool, they will no longer be hot.

Q: Is it rude to post about your menstrual cycle on social media?

A: Mrs Google, vague references to pimples, chocolate cravings, and an impending visit from your Aunt are fine.  Anything that involves a discussion of volume, color, or consistency isn’t.  Don’t post what you don’t want your dad (or son) to read.

Q: Does my mum have super powers?

A: Yes honey, she does.  She can whip that apron around into a cape whenever she needs to.

Q: When is “no whining” week?

A: Whenever you decide to quit whining.  Today would be a great day to stop complaining and take responsibility for your own happiness.  Mrs. Google will be a very happy mommy when you quit whining.

Q: What do I wear to get fertilized?

A:  Mrs Google, if you want more children, I’d suggest that you wear whatever makes your husband happy.

Q:  I need a Maths made easy game.

A: I have some great suggestions for math games (and geography games too).  While I don’t have any recommendations for grammar games at the moment, I’ll be happy to hunt some down for you.

Mr Google and the whole Google family, I hope that this has helped you in your search for knowledge.

 

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Susan Baker
I have a passion for encouraging weary worn out mothers to find joy in everyday motherhood and peace in unlikely places. I have two elementary school boys, one nerdy husband, and two cats. I have a strange fascination for bad puns, the color pink, socks, and books. I worry about running out of toilet paper, wine, and chocolate.. I serve an amazing God. I live an ordinary life filled with wonder.
Susan Baker
Susan Baker

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Comments

  1. Hahaha…Love the one about your aunt visiting. 21st century Miss Manners for social media…
    Emily recently posted..It’s not happy people who are thankful, it’s thankful people who are happyMy Profile

  2. What do you mean eggs don’t come from bunnies?
    This is like finding out Christmas has been cancelled and cream pies consumption is punishable by death.
    What about bunny raisins? Those things are still good to eat right? I mean the kids have been enjoying those for years.
    What? They aren’t raisins?
    Oh crap.

    • Nononono… those really are chocolate covered raisins. They are a perfectly good healthy treat with lots of fiber. Chocolate eggs come from bunnies. Plastic eggs filled with candy come from bunnies. Chickens lay the other kind… the ones that you serve with bacon.

  3. I love this! I do dearly wish “no whining” week had an actual start date (and no stop date!).

    • First, when are you getting a twitter account so I can chat with you? 🙂

      If it will help, I’ll declare next week as “no whining week” in your honor.

  4. Strange people…stranger questions…Google certainly keeps some weird company, even though I do like him myself!!
    Roshni recently posted..When I grow up!My Profile

  5. People are so strange! Thank you for sharing the weirdness so I can have a good laugh. Of course, now I have to be more creative about my searches. I want to give other bloggers things to write about too. Wonder what good searches I can come up with?
    Dawn recently posted..Want To Hear About One Of My Favorite Places?My Profile

    • Just to amuse you – I checked my search history. The last five searches that I’ve made were:

      — peas
      — why eat peas
      — pea and carrot candy
      — twitcleaner
      — amazon smartwool socks

  6. Oooh!! I haven’t done this in a long, long while. What fun!

    What’s not fun is when searches on your blog turn up the index cases for N. fowleri deaths in an unusually hot summer. (True story – let’s not go there – this year was particularly tragic, and you can read that in the comments of relevant posts on http://jahangiri.us/new.)

    Hmm. Now I want to go peek at how people found me! (I try not to look from June through early September. Really.)
    Holly recently posted..Trockle Says, “Paint ME a Story? Awesome!”My Profile

    • As we discussed, this was my edited list. Some stuff is just too freaky to want to write about it. Ewww. I’m sorry that you get reminded about a tragic event every time you look at your search results in the summer. No fun.

      • Holly Jahangiri says:

        It’s an important and informative post, but as I said, this year was particularly sad, as several parents whose children DIED of N. fowleri found my blog and commented. I’m glad that they did; it’s so easy for other parents to pooh-pooh this and write me off as neurotically overprotective – you have only to read the comments, one by a grieving father who is also a DOCTOR – to see that I’m not. (I’m glad they weren’t put off by the levity in the post – I mean, I think we all rationalize the fact that the risk of contracting a fatal case of brain munching amoeba is quite low. The odds of a child drowning are higher. And yet… and yet.) Here’s the second of two posts, that explains how my blog has come to rank for N. fowleri, and why that’s a sad thing, each summer, as the temperatures rise: http://jahangiri.us/new/2012/05/28/brain-munching-amoeba-be-your-own-summer-horror-flick/

        FYI, I had at least three search queries for it THIS WEEK. One from someone who thinks they may have it. 🙁 I’m fairly sure they don’t, but I wish they’d come back in a week and confirm that. 🙂
        Holly Jahangiri recently posted..Feed the Trolls at Your Own RiskMy Profile

        • Holly, I think this is the side of blogging that people don’t see or think about until it happens. We never know who is going to read our blogs (or why they find us). We don’t control the comments that we receive, we can only respond to them.

          When people cry out to us in pain, we have a responsibility to respond to them with compassion. When we get a comment (or see a search term) with burdensome implications… it stays with us and we long for closure. But that’s not disclosed anywhere on the “sign up for a free blog here” page. I’m thankful that those hurting families found YOU instead of some jerk. Frankly, I think humor plays a major role in emotional healing. So perhaps your levity was exactly what they needed at the time.

          I can’t imagine the grief parents would feel over losing a child in any circumstances, but the ones you describe seem particularly tough. As a mom, it scares me to think of it.

          • Holly Jahangiri says:

            That’s just it, isn’t it? As moms, we can’t help but sympathize right down to our marrow, even as we PRAY that sympathy never turns to empathy.

            Humor is how I cope; I’m just glad that no one who commented on my blog saw it as flippant or callous. Of course, it wasn’t – it was my way of coping with the fact that I was within a week of having dunked my own nostrils and my sons into Lake Somerville. And I had a headache. And a rash. Humor kept the terror at bay. And it made me think: Was any of that weekend worth the anxiety – or possible DEATH? No. If either of us loved watersports more, maybe. And I did still send William off to summer camps that he enjoyed immensely, after that. But armed with knowledge and old enough to participate in those choices.

            You’re right – there are no warnings about these moments in blogging. And I’m glad they found me instead of some jerk, too.
            Holly Jahangiri recently posted..Search Engine Funnies (SEF): Words for Your Aunt EthelMy Profile

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