Don’t Let the Turkey Get You Down (part 2)

In part one of my turkey story, I shared how my smoked turkey beat out my husband’s deep fried turkey.

I may have won the turkey bet, but it left me with 50 gallons of crisco caked in cat litter.

dont let the turkey get you down

Remember?

My dear husband tried to pour the liquified crisco BACK into the cardboard box it came in.  He figured the plastic liner for the box would hold it in until everything solidified.

It didn’t.  The box sprung a leak, and we had 50 gallons of scalding hot liquified fat covering our patio.

So we covered it in SCENTED kitty litter.

It was cold, so the stuff congealed almost instantly.

So what happened next?

turkey

For the next few months, we chipped kitty litter encrusted crisco off the concrete.

(Say that five times fast.  I dare you.)

Imagine scraping candle wax off your dining room table, only on a giant scale.  Oh, and you have to kneel on the floor while you do it.  And your child has ground cracker crumbs into the wax.

By the time it got warm, we thought we had scraped it all up.

Until summer.

As soon as things warmed up, it got interesting.

I walked outside one Saturday to discover that my back patio suddenly resembled an ice rink.  All the fat had risen to the surface and it was, in my husbands words

slicker than goose grease.

Remember that I used scented litter?

The patio had a vague floral smell that reminded us both of an old lady’s bathroom.

It confused the cats.  They would walk outside and sniff for a moment. Then they would scratch at the concrete.

By July Fourth, it got worse.

We decided to smoke some ribs for the holiday.  No problem.  I had this great smoker my mom gave me.

Big problem?

The kitty litter scented crisco encrusted concrete was strangely flammable.

I’m not kidding!

It wasn’t an out of control fire or anything, but we did catch the stuff on fire for a few brief seconds.

And by Labor Day?

A summer of heat had taken it’s toll.

A visitor walked into our backyard and simply gasped

what’s that smell???!!!!???

Rancid crisco with slight overtones of kitty litter wasn’t pretty.

By the next Thanksgiving

My husband was more than willing to admit defeat.  He had no interest in EVER deep frying a turkey again.

It was messy.  It took forever to get the fat hot enough. And the kitty litter crisco thing was the final blow.

I was crowned turkey queen of the home, whether I wanted to be or not.

No big deal.  Smoking turkeys is easy.

So how did we ever solve the crisco problem?  You’ll have to jump to part three of the turkey trauma drama to find out.

dont let the turkey get you down

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Susan Baker
I have a passion for encouraging weary worn out mothers to find joy in everyday motherhood and peace in unlikely places. I have two elementary school boys, one nerdy husband, and two cats. I have a strange fascination for bad puns, the color pink, socks, and books. I worry about running out of toilet paper, wine, and chocolate.. I serve an amazing God. I live an ordinary life filled with wonder.
Susan Baker
Susan Baker

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Comments

  1. Oh Susan, I’m still laughing! I’m so glad I discovered you. I just followed you via my wordpress reader– did it show up as a new follow for you?
    Auntie Em recently posted..An Explosive CombinationMy Profile

    • Auntie Em, I can’t tell from here. I’m excited you found me and am waiving hi at you. I’m on vacation this week without wifi. I’m at a McDonald’s today to post a few posts, but I’m on a short timer. No playscape. 🙁 I’ll look after Thanksgiving when I have real internet.

  2. That is quite a story and I am anxious to hear part 3! I’ve actually had to scrape wax off of carpet in a large quantity when a hanging candle holder fell down from the ceiling and broke while all the candles were lit. The thought of doing that on concrete makes my knees hurt. Did you end up replacing your patio or is that part 3?
    Jean recently posted..Can I Have a More Organized Home in 4 Weeks? Days 9 and 10My Profile

    • Jean, I’ll post part 3 tomorrow (Monday). If wax is in carpet, you can normally iron it up. Stick a paper bag on the area and then iron the paper bag. Don’t ask me how I know for sure that it works.

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